


Holding Onto You - Awkey (Awsten Knight x Mikey Way)

by MikeyAndFranksOreos



Category: MCR - Fandom, My Chemical Romance, parx - Fandom, waterparks - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Multi, Slurs, autistic!mikeyway, awsten is trans, bob is a dick, school shooting, trans!awsten
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 10:01:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13855470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikeyAndFranksOreos/pseuds/MikeyAndFranksOreos
Summary: From the moment that the Awsten's eyes laid themselves upon the horrendously shy, insecure, sensitive-to-all-senses guy, he knew that things were gonna get interesting.(Awkey = Awsten Knight x Mikey Way)





	Holding Onto You - Awkey (Awsten Knight x Mikey Way)

The sun was out, but it wasn't _warm._

It was Four Degrees Celsius. Forty Degrees Fahrenheit. Cold. _Very cold._

The sun didn't belong outside. Not on this cold, early September day, at least. It belonged in Australia or in a much hotter country, not here. It belonged in a place where the sun would actually bring joy rather than being a painful reminder of just how fucking messed up your brain was. Serotonin? Endorphins? What the hell were those?!

_Awsten didn't know._

He hasn't experienced them, those 'happy chemicals' since early childhood; before his life took a complete one-eighty when he turned eleven and went to the bathroom to shower only to find lumps on his chest and blood in his undergarments. Ever since that day, ever since that moment, nothing has ever felt the same with him. Avoiding mirrors just to get away from the serious waves of depersonalisation that he felt whenever he caught a glimpse of himself, wearing jumpers so baggy that they came down to his knees to not let people look at the lumps, and cutting his hair short so people would 'mistake' him for a boy.

He could barely breathe with the bandages that he had wrapped around his chest. Everything was tight and awful, and the weird wave in his ribs was concerning, but the last thing he wanted was for some random doctor to look at the things on him. It was a shocker that his Mom hadn't noticed, either. Sighing, he dragged on an oversized jumper, a dark green one, making everything curvy vanish, some black skinnies, before pulling his bag over his shoulder and thumping down the stairs.

He glanced up at the clock on the wall as he passed.

_Seven twenty eight._

There were only _seven minutes_ before the bus came. It took four minutes to get down the street, and he, at least, wanted to talk to Geoff when he got there - Geoff was always at the bus stop early, the anxious fucker. So he had to leave, like, now. Like, right at this very instant-now. No time for breakfast, but he didn't care. Awsten couldn't even really remember the last time he ate. Yesterday? Probably. His Mom probably forced him to chow down on some sort of soup or stew. The second she opened her mouth to ask him if she wanted some food, Awsten simply shook his head, put on his shoes, and walked out the door.

Yup. Still cold. So freaking _cold._ He pulled the sleeves of his jumper down over his hands, creating mittens, as he basically sprinted to the bus station. Mainly because he wanted to actually have to catch the bus and avoid walking thirteen miles in the freezing cold, September morning air, to school, but to also warm up slightly.

He hated running, though.

Despised it.

Loathed it.

When he was younger he was in Track and Field at school - running was his escape. He won so many awards for running yet when the lumps started coming in, not only was running a million times more painful, but it also reminded him just what he had on his chest. Despite all that, he simply crossed his arms over his body and carried on running. Tears were pinpricking his eyes and all he wanted to do was go home, lay underneath his covers, and fall asleep until the next day rolled around. Or forever. Either way was better.

Somehow, by some stroke of luck, he managed to dash around the corner before the bus even arrived.

As usual Geoff was already standing there, sitting on a wall, his signature legs swaying a few inches off the ground. He stared off into the distance, the light shining off the new nose ring that he must've had stabbed into him over the weekend. His longish, brownie-fudge coloured hair had simply been combed through with his fingers looked as fucking awesome as it always did, while his blue eyes, which were always noticeable, seemed to add even more light to the bright, but still fucking cold, day. He was a little bit feminine, but Geoff would never be mistaken for a girl. Which...Which, although he was his best friend, Awsten still felt some kind of jealously or envy towards that.

"Awsten!" He turned, a smile spreading across his pale face. Awsten instantly noticed the small strands of facial hair poking out from his upper lip and chin. Fuck, he was already getting facial hair? They were only seventeen! A small pit of hate seeped through into his lower abdomen. He hated this. The closet thing to a beard that he had was a few peach hairs poorly coloured in with an old and drying mascara. "Are you Alright?" Geoff was a cool guy. Shy, yes. Insecure, yes. Awkward and bullied, also yes. I mean, Geoff was the guy who threw up all over the floor during the Freshmen Prom - Everybody did know him, but nobody really cared. He was good at many different things, but not good enough to be allowed to actually joined. Which sucked. Awsten knew that if Geoff ever joined one of the clubs, whenever that would be music or art or maths or whatever, that he would be the best at it. Like, freaking amazing.

Geoff was also the first person that Awsten came out to as, well, Awsten.

Not Ally, but Awsten.

It was a quiet night, the two were sitting on the top of a slide in one of those indoor children's soft-play places that they had broken into, y'know the ones, sipping mindlessly away at Coke Zero's and Doritos, when Awsten just suddenly burst into tears about how she didn't feel like a 'she' and that her body and how he just wanted to have a flat chest and short hair and a dick and be called something other than 'Ally'. Awsten remembered feeling so depressed and lonely and borderline suicidal over it all, and he had even made a plan on how he was gonna end his freaking life.

Turns out there was a word for what he was feeling - Transgender.

'Sounds like your trans.' Geoff would begin to talk. 'It's like...You were born into a body, and people labelled that body, say in your case, as a girl; yet up here, in your-in your brain, you weren't a girl. You're a boy. Everything about you is a boy, aside from your body. It seems like you're that, honestly. Do more research, I dunno."

Oh, and Awsten had done his research.

For three whole days straight it was nothing but Googling, searching, looking at forums, looking at medical websites, all of that jazz.

He told his Mom, rearing and ready to start hormones and get chest surgery, kickstart the rest of his life!

What happened, though?

All that happened was a laugh and a simple 'yeah, sure, whatever!'

Yeah.

That totally didn't hurt.

It sucked ass - Awsten agreed with all the stuff that people were saying on these freaking forums! He felt accepted and normal for the first time in years, there were other people out there who were just like him; people out there who knew how he felt, and could talk to him and sympathise with him over everything!

Geoff had brought it up so casually that it only made Awsten cry more. This time, with tears of happiness.

Well...For a little while at least.

They were thirteen when that happened, and now they were seventeen and all 'grown up' and gone through puberty and didn't look as awkward anymore, yet Awsten still cried whenever he looked at himself in the mirror.

He hadn't gone through the right puberty. Not like Geoff and Otto and every other fucking boy at his school! Awsten hadn't got facial hair or a deeper, roughed, gravely voice, or broader shoulders or a more prominent jawline or nose - he had gotten lumps on his chest, a higher, softer voice, all the hair on his body had to be shaved off and his jawline had only become noticeable because of his drastic weight loss.

Anyways, since that whole 'coming out' moment, the two had practically become best friends. Inseparable.

"You Alright, man?" Geoff jumped off the wall, landing on the floor with a gentle thud, and walked over to him. "How are you?" He asked with a smile. "Came out of the closet yet?" Awsten weakly laughed - the first positive emotion that he had felt today.

Geoff, for some reason, had always asked the same question every single morning, despite the both of them knowing that Awsten's Mom wouldn't accept him being a 'him'. It was kinda nice, he guessed. Somebody knew, and somebody cared about that aspect of him.

"What do you think the answer is?" Awsten replied, hunching his shoulders over and looking down the street. The breath that came out of his mouth was turning into thick, white smoke, traveling up into the air above. His body felt cold despite the thick jumper, and he had the sudden, overpowering urge to grab Geoff's shoulder and cry into him. Geoff was a tall person. Well, not as tall as the other guys in their Grade, but tall to Awsten's tiny stature, nonetheless. Geoff was so soft and sweet. A cuddly giant, thats what he was. Somebody that he could just sob into as he held him close. Not in a romantic way, but in a friendly way. "I'm never coming out. I'm gonna be an 'Allison' forever, and you know that."

He forced a smile out, pushing back his sadness, trying to shrug the weird weight that was on his back, and shoulders, off.

Forcing out smiles was the only thing that kept him from losing his mind and crying his heart out.

If forcing smiles weren't possible, then he would look like a fucking raisin because of the dehydrated caused from the amount that he would have cried.

That heaviness was always there. Even with the dangerous makeshift binders, the rolled up socks sown into his pants, the short hair and baggy jumpers that managed to smooth out all his curves, he always felt something there. A weird tenseness that constantly reminded Awsten about how he wasn't a boy whatsoever - boys didn't have lumps and bumps on their body, boys didn't have high pitched voices, boys didn't have the parts that girls should have. The heavy, dragging feeling was all over his body, but it was exceptionally prevalent within his shoulders, the one that weren't broad and muscly enough, his throat, right where his adam's apple wasn't, as well as within his chest, legs, and all the curves littered around his body.

"You're a...You're a boy, though." Geoff said. In the distance, the familiar sound of a bus drawing close. Awsten started to feel a little bit sick. Not many people at school knew about him, and although their conversation wouldn't be heard over the screams of the kids inside of the bus, he was still nervous about somebody finding out the truth about him. "Y'know how it was...it was your birthday last week? I-I got you something. Here!" Geoff handed Awsten a surprisingly well-wrapped gift, glittery pastel green wrapping paper, tied neatly with a Matt Black bow. It looked, and felt, like some sort of shirt. A thick one, but still with the same surface area as a shirt. "And you'll always be a boy, Awsten, no matter what." Geoff said, quickly squeezing Awsten's wrist as the bus pulled up. "You need to come out to your Mom tonight. Just tell her! Tell...Tell her that you're a-a boy, that you're t-t-trans! That you wanna be called 'Awsten'. You need to, dude! If you don't, then...then you'll never...never come out!"

Awsten knew that he was _right._

Awsten just knew that, if he kept this a secret forever, then he was just gonna live a life of pain.

_A life he didn't want to live._

His Mom just never finding out the truth about him, yet also knowing that she would kick him out if she knew the truth about him was the worst pain a human could feel. For him, at least. Awsten didn't want to be in constant pain for the rest of his life, constantly lying about himself, but what was the point in telling the truth if it meant that you were only going to get beaten down.

"I guess you're right." Awsten shuffled into the bus, following Geoff, and sitting down next to him on the overcrowded vehicle. "I'm...I wanna tell her, but I don't know how!" He looked down at the parcel in his hands, running his fingers over the rough wrapping and slipping his finger underneath the bow. "I don't know, anymore, Geoff. She's gonna hate me."

"Well...Write her a letter. Sit her down and tell her, seriously. I-I don't know! Maybe...Maybe get her one-one if those cards that have 'it's a boy!' on the front. Who knows? You're gonna have to come out eventually." Geoff replied. "You can't st-stay in the closet forever."

"Again. I know, Geoff!" Awsten closed his eyes and breathed heavy breathes out of his gritted teeth and tightened jaw. "I'm not dumb. I want to come out to her, obviously I do, but do you really expect me to tell her that I'm a boy when she gets mad about a freaking gay couple on TV? Do you really think that's gonna make me feel safer?!" Awsten turned to Geoff and yelled, throwing his hands up in the air and hitting his knuckles harshly on the roof of the bus. The pain would normally effect his body, make him flinch, but did he really care?

_He didn't know._

Whenever his sudden outburst of screaming, something that he absolutely despised because of his 'too many octaves high voice' was from pure and utter rage or unfiltered, raw fear, he didn't know.

"Cause I don't! Feel free to tell me any different, though! I don't feel safe! Not even when I'm lying about myself, and I'm sure as hell coming out won't help either!" People were starting to stare now. Great.

_Geoff just stayed silent._

He shrunk back in his seat, pulling the hood of his jumper up, shielding his face as he looked out the window. Whenever Awsten was in this sort of stage you couldn't really do all that much to fix it.

Awsten rested his hands back on his lap, only gripping onto the present that Geoff had given him. There was no lie when he felt awful about yelling at him.

He also felt terrified at the fact that there were tons of people staring at him, confused.

_Literally._

It felt like everybody was looking at him, listening to his words, ready to spread them around the school like wildfire. There were already rumours about his sexuality, and people already bullied him because of those - and they were simply rumours. Everybody knew that they weren't true! Rumours, not any truths. He didn't even want to imagine what would happen to him if he told the whole school that, to them, he wasn't a 'she' at all. That 'she', the 'Ally' person, was actually a 'he' and wanted to be called 'Awsten'.

He was never gonna come out. Way too dangerous. What was the point in coming out of it just meant that you were gonna be physically and mentally abused every day for the rest of your life? It would hurt him, but Awsten knew that the second that he had graduated from the hell known as High School, he was gonna get himself on hormones, change his name, get surgery, all of that shit, and make his life a thousand times better.

Until that happened, his life was going to be awful. It was already awful - him having the wrong body parts just made everything a thousand times worse.

Awsten sighed, not really wanting to say anything else. He simply sat back on the extremely uncomfortable, probably inhumane seats, and tried to get his heart rate to lower slightly. His body felt like it was burning despite the single digit weather outside, and he still wanted to crawl under his covers and sob. Then again he felt that constantly, twenty four seven, every single day of his life. He had an awful feeling that it was never going to leave, even if he somehow got surgeries and hormones.

"Ey, we must have a new student." Geoff straightened himself out.

The entire bus suddenly went _silent._

Awsten could understand why - the bus normally went past a certain street, there were no stops on it at all, but today had gone down it. More specifically, it had stopped outside of a house on said street, had opened its doors, and was letting on a new student.

A. New. _Fucking_. Student.

Awsten had never heard the bus so silent - it was disturbing.

He watched in slight.. _.awe?_

_Was that even the correct word?_

Anyways, he watched in ' _awe_ ' as a scrawny, kinda tall, obviously _anxious-as-fuck_ kid shakily stepped on.

He had piecing hazel eyes with hints of green swimming around within his iris', hands with callused fingertips, as well as an extremely thick and prominent jawline - those were the first three physical things you noticed about him. Then there was the fact that he wore circular framed glasses, had short hair that was mostly hidden by a blue hat, an 'LA Dodgers' one judging from the white writing on the front, as well as a black hoodie that came down to his knees, along with ripped jeans, half-calf-high boots, and a red shoulder bag.

Oh, and he also looked terrified. _Who could blame him?_

The mysterious guy sat down at the front of the bus in the only empty seat available - the one right in front of Awsten and Geoff.

Awsten quickly glanced over at the Geoff. Surprisingly, he wasn't really all that concerned with the practical fucking model that had just jumped onto their school bus. He was so attractive? Awsten couldn't tell if the rest of the people on the bus were looking at him were fascinated by his looks, or if it was because he was new and extremely and obviously shy.

Even now, his head was hung forward, he had his arms crossed over his chest, and it sounded like me was...muttering to himself? Although they weren't words, they were more just hums if anything. Awsten leaned forward, resting his nose on top of the back of the seat that the new guy was sitting on, and watched intently as he seemed to relax, albeit it slightly, and flex his arms forward. The new guy seemed to be stretching for a moment before putting his hands onto his lap and begin to...Tap them? He was tapping and rubbing his hands together - it wasn't like regular tapping and rubbing that you would sees on an anxious person, though. There was something different about this. He also started to shift his torso, from side to side, rather gently, as he stared straight out the window that were on the main doors.

_How nervous *was* he?_

_How nervous could this random guy be to start their school?_

Sure, it was a terrifying place, and it was full of violence and other horrendous stuff, but it wasn't... _that scary._ Not scary enough to look like that you were gonna have a full on mental breakdown at least!

"Hey!" Shit.

Anybody could recognise that voice from anywhere.

Bob.

_Bob Byar._

Bob pretty much the 'asshole' of the school, darted forward. He sat on the back row of the bus, along with all the other scumbags of the town, and leaned on the edge of the seat where the new boy sat.

Both Awsten and Geoff shrunk back. Anxious thoughts quickly filled up the both of their little brains; they weren't really the outcasts of the school, but they weren't horrendously popular either, so they were obviously tormented by Bob quite a lot of the time. So it felt weird watching Bob be so close to them without him beating them up or whatnot, and secondly, it felt even weirder watching Bob be so close to them and see how he acted upon other people. 'Fresh Prey', as he would probably call this newbie.

"So, you're new?" He asked, smirking.

The new boy simply nodded. He still stared right ahead, the odd hand movements he was doing got more violent, as did the rocking gesture. It didn't really bother Awsten that much. Like, he found it kinda weird, and he had only really seen people with serve special needs in public do that sort of stuff, but to Bob?

This was practically bait for him.

This new kid, doing all of these gestures right in front of him, was literally like a fisherman dropping a hook full of food in a pond full of starving fish. Bob could easily latch onto this, destroy this kids reputation over it, and basically ruin his life. It was something weak and easy to target! Something that literally everybody could see! Something that most of the awful people in the world thought but didn't really want to say out loud.

_And did Bob take that bait?_

_Was that even a question?!_

"Hey!" He turned back to the bus, standing up on the bench next to the kid and raising his voice to as loud as it could go. And Bob was a big guy, so it was pretty freaking loud. He grabbed the hood of the Newbie's hoodie, forcing him up slightly. "The new kid-" He looked down at him. "-Is a fucking Retard! Retard with a capital 'R'!" Both Awsten and Geoff slowly turned to look at each other. They exchanged a look of 'holy shit, is this actually happening?' before slowly turning their head back to watch the situation unfold.

Not that it had already unfolded, that is.

This situation was basically out in the wild, standing naked in a full, open field in front of a busy bus stop it was that fucking open, but it was still continuing.

"Yo, what's your name, Retard." It was at that moment when everybody on the bus knew, even the poor kid himself, that 'Retard' was gonna be his nickname for the next two Grades. Great.

The kid didn't respond. He put his hands over his ears, timidly started to shake his head, rocked more, and the humming noise he was making got louder.

A weird wave of... _guilt?_

_Was it guilt?_

Probably...

Anyways, a weird wave of guilt seemed to seep into Awsten's veins as he watched Bob continue to mock this new kid. He was walking up and down the isles, tapping every single person on the shoulder, pointing to there new kid and laughing hysterically with them as the newbie got more and more visibly shaken.

"Yo." Awsten gently tapped the new kid on the shoulder. He instantly flinched and turned around, almost falling straight onto his ass, as he looked up at Awsten as if he had just burnt his family home down and killed his entire family. His eyes were wide and wet with horror and his limbs were physically shaken. ' _Newbie_ ', as Awsten now dubbed him in his head, brought his elbows together, his hands still plastered to the sides of his head. It looked like he was ready to be fucking screamed at or some shit. "Are you alright? You look kinda scared." Awsten crossed his arms on the metal bar that was attached to the top of the seats, leaning forward and looking at Newbie. "Do you wanna sit with Geoff and I? Oh! I'm Awsten, by the way!" Fuck it - This kid was gonna know him as Awsten, and that was that.

Newbie stayed in the same position as he currently was.

_Shocked._

Staring at them in pure horror.

Hands over his ears and shoulders hunched over.

Okay...It was obvious that there was something...Different about this kid. It was flaming obvious. Awsten knew it. Geoff knew it. Bob, and now the entire bus load, could easily see that this kid had something up with him. This was more than just simple nervousness, that was for sure.

After a couple of moments passed Newbie gently pulled one of his hands away from his ears, seemingly flinching at the sudden wave of noise that must've hit his ears, tilted his head down slightly, breaking the little eye contact that they had, and gingerly waved back. His entire body was freaking shaking.

"Hey, c'mon..." Awsten stood up, shifted into the isle and pointed at the space next to Geoff. "Sit with us. Get away from Bob." A smile appeared on his face. For some reason, one that he really didn't know the answer to, Awsten felt a weird sense of protection for Newbie. It was his first freaking day at this school and he was already going through the torments of Bob's brain! That wasn't good for anybody, let alone somebody who was experiencing his first day, and who obviously had some issues with...Well, life in general.

Newbie silently nodded and sat down, one of his arms shakily lowering while the other one did some kind of gesture. Basically, he had placed his hand over his mouth, fingertips facing upwards, then brought his hand away ever so slightly. Awsten didn't know what the hell it was, or what it even meant. He didn't know if it was part of the weird movements he was doing, if he was trying to communicate something-

"Oh! Are you deaf?" Geoff suddenly spoke up. He presumably signed something with his hands, too. "Or...Or do you just to communicate with sign language?" He quickly leaned over and looked over at Awsten. "He said thanks!" Awsten was still confused. If Newbie was deaf then why was he covering his ears? Why was he acting so stressed out when the noise increased? The Newbie simply shook his head. "Do you prefer to communicate in sign language?" Again - Geoff was signing. It did feel kinda awesome to see his best friend doing all of those actions, though. In third grade, Geoff had an obsession with learning sign language. Which was weird. He knew no deaf people - it was just a random ass passion that he wanted to pursue. At least his random obsession was paying off now.

The Newbie signed something back. He was tapping his fingers and making shapes with his hands, different to the actions he was doing beforehand, while Geoff was gently nodding along. Sign Language. Weird thing.

"His names Mikey." Geoff said, pointing to, Well, Mikey. Cooler name than 'Newbie' or, by Bob's word, 'Retard'. "He's sixteen. He's in our grade. He isn't deaf, though." Geoff looked back up at Mikey, the both of them exchanging small smiles. "Just prefer sign language, huh?" Geoff sat back and chuckled slightly. Mikey seemed more relaxed too. He and Geoff were actually talking to one another, which was pretty damn cool. Awsten couldn't help but find shit like this cool.

"Oh look!" Bob appeared once more. Obviously he would. "Retards gone and sat with-" He bent down in front of Awsten, grabbing him by the collar of his baggy shirt. "-the tranny, oh-" Wait. Awsten's heard stopped 'The Tranny'?! Did...Did they know? No...Shit. He had introduced himself to Mikey as 'Awsten'. Not 'Allison' or even 'Ally'. That's why the fucking bus got louder. They were discussing him! Shitshitshit! "And the weirdo."

"You know?!" Awsten blurted out.

He couldn't know, right?

"Ally. Or-Or What was it? Awsten? That's the name you chose, fucking..." Bob, instead of letting go, pulled Awsten up to his feet, dragging him and throwing his body on the empty seat that was in front of them. "Fucking. Freak! Freak of nature, that's what you are!" Bob was full of rage. If Awsten's vision wasn't blurred because of the sudden head bang, he probably would've seen Bob's eyes turn red. He straightened himself out, pointing at Geoff. "You're a freak of nature!" And then at Mikey. Poor fucking Mikey. "And you! Especially you, you Retard!"

The bus pulled to a stop.

_Outside school._

For the first time Awsten was actually _glad._

He watched in silence as Bob and his 'crew', as he called them (literally), poured out of the doors, before standing up, letting Geoff grab his hands, and running into the doors with Mikey jogging a few paces behind them.

This was gonna be an interesting day, that was for sure.

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AHHHHHHHHHh

So Yeah!

Welcome to the new fic!

Please tell me your thoughts below,,, please I CRavE those sweet-sweet comments !! (and what you think about the whole 'Awkey' ship thing ;)

Idk how often I'm gonna be updating but...oof, whenever I can, really.

Anyways, see y'all...soonish. Hopefully. AH

and this IS POSTED ON MY WATTPAD (@Electricparx) i just thought I would also post it on here so it gets more, like, views?? or whatever

yeh


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